How to detect bullying in our children

We've all heard about bullying in the news, talking to other parents, and on social media. But would we know how to detect if our child is being bullied, or if they are the one doing it? Here's a list of behavioral indicators in our children that should set off alarm bells for parents.

But what is bullying?

Bullying, or harassment, is aggressive, unsolicited behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power. This behavior is often repetitive or may tend to recur over time. In other words, bullying must be aggressive and contain these two elements:

• Power imbalance: Children who bully others use their power, which can be physical strength, access to sensitive information, or popularity, to control or harm other children.
• Repeated over time: Bullying either happens more than once, or has the potential to happen more than once in the future.

Bullying includes threats, rumors, physical and verbal attacks, as well as intentionally excluding someone from a group.

How can I tell if my child is being bullied?

There are certain signs that may indicate that our child is being bullied. However, the fact that the child shows any of these signs does not necessarily mean that he or she is in this situation. However, our alarm bells should ring as there may be another cause for this behavior, and we must get to the bottom of it to find out what is happening:

1. Unexplained injuries.
2. Loss or damage to clothing, books, toys, or other belongings.
3. Frequent headaches and/or stomachaches, feeling unwell. Acting sick.
4. Changes in eating habits, skipping meals or binge eating. Coming home from school very hungry (they haven't had lunch).
5. Difficulty falling asleep or having frequent nightmares.
6. Bad grades, lack of interest in school work, or not wanting to go to school.
7. Loss of friends or wanting to avoid social situations.
8. Loss of self-esteem and feeling of helplessness.
9. Self-destructive behaviors, running away from home, self-harm.

If any of these symptoms occur, we need to act immediately, talk to our child, and seek help. The school can probably help us identify and address this problem.

Is my child bullying other children?

There are signs that may indicate a child is bullying others. Again, if your child exhibits any of these signs, it doesn't necessarily mean they're bullying their peers, but they should get our attention, and we should dig a little deeper to find out the reason:

1. He often engages in verbal or physical aggression.
2. He has friends who bully others.
3. He is becoming more and more aggressive.
4. He cannot explain where he got new toys, money, or belongings.
5. He blames others for his problems.
6. He does not assume responsibility for his actions.
7. He is very competitive and overly concerned with his popularity and reputation.

As we mentioned earlier, a child may exhibit some of these signs and it may have nothing to do with bullying, but they may be signs of other problems.

Talk to your child

It's very important to talk to children who show any of these signs. Children often don't ask for help or talk to adults for various reasons. Bullying can be a very humiliating situation for them, and they may fear retaliation from their bully, fear being rejected by their peers for "snitching," not want adults to know what is being said about them (whether it is true or not), or simply try to handle the situation on their own. Ultimately, we need to be attentive to changes in our children's behavior and conduct, try to talk to them a lot, and let them know we're there and will support them no matter the reason.