Do I speak the same language as my child?

Have you ever felt like you're speaking a different language when it comes to your child? Don't worry, you're not alone. It happens to all of us, and it seems that little ones actually understand things quite differently than what their parents tell them. Here's a compilation of the typical phrases we use with our little ones, and what they seem to have heard. Enjoy! What you say: “Only One” What your child hears: “Okay, you win! You can take as many as you want.” What you say: “Hurry up, we’re going to be late!” What your child hears: “Run, get under the table as fast as you can, take off your socks and wait there without coming out until it’s too late.” What you say: “Don’t throw away food” What your child hears: “You should test how far you can throw food from your plate and also see if it’s firm enough to stick to the sides.” What you say: “Do you want a band-aid?” What your child hears: “Oh my God! This is worse than I thought, there’s blood everywhere! Panic!” What you say: “Do you want to pee?” What your child hears: “I bet you can go without peeing forever. Let’s find out!” What you say: “Please don’t shout” What your child hears: “We need the entire restaurant to stop what they’re doing and give us their full attention. It’s your mission to get them to do it by screaming like crazy.” What you say: “This is my food. Eat what’s on your plate.” What your child hears: “Everything on my plate is yours. But don’t eat it, just chew it a little and spit it into my hand.” What you say: “It’s too early to get up. Go back to sleep.” What your child hears: "Saturdays and Sundays are meant to be enjoyed to the fullest, so don't wait for the sun to come up. Keep jumping on my head until I have no choice but to get up." What you say: “Look at the camera. Smile. Say da-da-da.” What your child hears: “Don’t look at me! Duck your head, turn around, run away!” What you say: “I can’t catch you right now” What your child hears: “I need you to hang on to my neck tightly and without letting go, to remind me how to hold you. Don’t let me convince you otherwise.” What you say: “Mom and Dad are talking now.” What your child hears: "If you're part of this family, you'd better join this conversation and contribute any information you have. The more irrelevant it is to the topic and the louder the volume, the better." What you say: “Sit in the chair” What your child hears: “Jump out of your chair like there’s a bomb in it.” What you say: "Time to go to sleep" What your child hears: " Now is the time to do all those things you were going to do during the day. Finish coloring that picture you were making for the grandparents, put all the toys back in order, take out all the stories to reread them one by one, go pee three or four times, etc...." A smile is always welcome, and I'm sure you have more to add to the list in this dictionary, because that's what comments are for ;-)