How many times have you said, "Stay out of the kitchen, I'm making dinner," "Put the brush and the pot holder back where they belong," or "Let me put your slippers on for you." I have to admit I'm guilty. Often, in an attempt to save time, I do it myself and don't let him do anything. But I've realized I'm doing my son a disservice; I'm depriving him of an important lesson he needs to learn. I need to stop for a moment, be patient, and let him help me. That way, he can learn responsibility, independence, and self-sufficiency.
Why is it so important for your child to learn to be independent from a young age?
Children who learn to be independent grow into adults with high self-esteem and self-confidence, who will be able to make better decisions and accept responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Learning these skills and developing these qualities from a young age will make adolescence and adulthood much easier.
How can we, as parents, teach our children to be independent from a young age?
#1 Teach him
Take your time teaching them how to do chores, practice new sports with them, try new hobbies, crafts, etc. Children need to learn basic life skills like cooking, and I assure you the process will be quite messy to say the least, but it's worth it. If you make life too easy for them now, it will cost them later in life.
#2 Make expectations and responsibilities clear
Children need to know what is expected of them. A very simple way to do this is by creating a chore/responsibilities chart. For younger children who are not yet reading, you can use pictures. For example, a morning routine chart could include pictures of getting dressed, making the bed, eating breakfast, cleaning up, brushing their face and teeth, and putting on their slippers and coat. Guide them through the pictures until it becomes an automatic routine for them. Remember to adjust the chart to your child's age and development.
#3 Recognize their achievements
Recognition of work is a great motivator for children and reinforces behavior patterns. Recognition should be specific. Instead of saying, "Very good" or "Well done," it's much more effective and meaningful to acknowledge the specific task and tell them why it was important. You can say, for example, "Great, now that all the toys are put away, we can all find them the next time we want to play with them. Very well done."
#4 Let him make decisions
To help them become good decision-makers in the future, they need to start making them from a young age. Even if it's just choosing between two options, this empowers children to take ownership of the decision and therefore responsibility for it, helping them become more independent. A trick I use daily is to offer them two different pairs of socks and let them choose which one they want to wear. It's important when they're young not to offer them too many options so they don't feel overwhelmed.
#5 Let him help plan
Let them help you. Take them shopping and let them choose which fruit to buy for dessert. Let them choose their favorite weekend plan or the order of activities for a rainy afternoon. Children love knowing they're helping make something happen. They're learning to take responsibility and make decisions—essential life skills.
#6 Let him make mistakes
It's very difficult to watch your child make mistakes without doing anything to prevent them, but I know how important it is for them to make those mistakes. Mistakes are part of the learning process, and it's preferable for them to make them in a safe and controlled environment when they're younger than doing it on their own as adults, where the consequences could be more serious.
#7 Trust him and his abilities
Teach them independence by showing confidence in their abilities. You must honestly believe they're capable of doing it. Likewise, assign tasks appropriate to their age and development, allowing them to complete them while minimizing frustration. Keep in mind that we need to guide them, and teach them more difficult tasks, encouraging them in the process and celebrating success even if they aren't perfect.
#8 Lead by example
You are the first role model in their life, and this will shape the type of person they will become. If you want your child to grow up confident and independent, you must be a role model for them. Make good decisions, be polite and kind, and show respect for yourself and those around you.
#9 And above all... Love him, encourage him and respect him
Love your child unconditionally. Encourage them to do their best and respect them. Always use "please," "thank you," and kind words with your child. They will learn and treat others the same way they are treated. A positive, supportive environment at home helps your child gain self-confidence, develop self-esteem, and become an independent, self-confident adult capable of handling any situation life throws their way.
With these simple tips, we'll make our little ones better people, and we'll become a little better ourselves. And wouldn't the world be better if it were filled with better people?
And you, what other tricks do you use to teach your children to be independent?
